It’s been 6 months since the end of the Sochi 2014 Olympics I figured it would be time to look forward seven and a half years to 2022. The IOC announced 3 finalists in the competition to win the honor of being selected host of the 2022 Winter Olympics. Beijing, China, Almaty, Kazakhstan, and Oslo, Norway will be your three medalists in the greatest and most expensive Olympic event of them all – host selection. Unless the IOC changes their rules mid game (because you never know), the world will be gathering in one of these cities to worship at the altar of sport and money and international merchandising rights and corruption and, well, exactly the same thing we worshiped in Brazil this June. And in Russia in February. And in England in 2010…. Religion is fun.
Think about the competition to be selected as Olympic host like it’s the 400m butterfly. There’s a qualifying round in the morning, where several competitors, who are just happy to be there, are knocked out, and a final round that goes that same night where the hardware is handed out. Only in this competition half the competitors in the final dropped out because they realized the contest wasn’t worth winning. Stockholm, Sweden abandoned their bid due to lack of political support because of cost uncertainties and because their alpine partner town was 600 kilometers away, which is totally feasible. The citizens of Krakow, Poland rejected the city’s bid in a referendum because the bid group was… less than honest and also because holding the games there, in conjunction with Jasna, Slovakia, was a nightmare waiting to happen. Lviv, Ukraine withdrew from the process because Ukraine, but don’t worry they will be back in four years bidding for 2026 when I assume all Ukrainian problems will be solved.
This leaves the 3 not-at-all flawed candidate cities vying for the 2022 game. Beijing, China just hosted a Summer Olympics 6 years ago. If you look at the 2008 Olympics from a perspective based in 2022 it won’t seem like a big deal, but who hosts the 2022 games won’t be decided then. It’ll be decided next year, in 2015, when 2008 will still be a mostly fresh memory. Beijing also has that pesky air pollution problem that is usually at its worst in February. China, in my opinion, also has the problem of being respected, but not well liked around the world. With the very recent saber rattling in the South China Sea I don’t see them getting any good global citizen brownie points before the games are awarded, not that this has been a problem in the past when despots have wanted to host the games. Cough Russia.
If I locked you in a room without an internet connection how much could you tell me about Almity and Kazakhstan? Could you find them on a map? Do you know what system of government they have? Have many people live in Kazakhstan? What’s their GDP? Do you know Almity is as close to Tajikistan as Sochi is to Georgia? Have you heard of Tajikistan? For the uninitiated, Kazakhstan is a former Soviet Republic that has had one despotic ruler since independence. Their GNP puts them juuuuust outside of the top 50 countries on the planet, but they’re a well known Winter Olympic super power, having amassed exactly 7 medals (4 of which came from the greatest name in former Soviet athletes – Vladimir Smirnov) since they first appeared in 1994.
Oslo, Norway is the final and probably best candidate city. Norway last hosted the Olympics in Lillehammer (alpine partner of Oslo) in 1994; I remember those Games as being hosted in a fairy tale. They were just about perfect AND had the Nancy/Tonya drama that screwed over Josee and allowed Oksana to win Ukraine’s first gold medal (Chen won bronze). I have full faith that the nation of Norway would run a first rate games if they are awarded the 2022 edition. Unfortunately, Norway doesn’t want them. The government is losing internal support for the Games and citizens are objecting to the cost. Quite the pickle for the IOC. It’s really their own fault for awarding 2014 to Russia. (FIFA also gets an assist for awarding 2018 to Russia and 2022 to Qatar (which somehow makes 2018 in Russia seem like a good idea)).
A number of other cities expressed interest in hosting the 2022 games at one point or another. These bids were either abandoned because they lacked general support (Tyrol, Italy and Austria & Munich, Germany) or it wasn’t the right time for a particular city to bid (Nice, France and Sarajevo, Bosnia and Herzegovina) or they were missing important things like hills (Helsinki, Finland and Quebec City, Canada) or they were missing a need for any of the sport infrastructure an Olympics would leave behind (Santiago, Chile & Christchurch, New Zealand) or the IOC is mad at their country because their Mormons got caught bribing everyone which resulted in a scandal that royally pissed everyone off and cost the IOC oligarchs a bunch of money (Everytown, USA).
Let’s be honest, the Olympics are awesome. You could hold the Olympic hockey games on the outdoor rinks down the block from my house we’d all be watching. In any halfway decent facility the result would be spectacular simply because it’s the best athletes competing at their peak after spending years honing their craft. Unfortunately the IOC makes everyone forget this fact because they’re corrupt, aloof, petty, adjective, staid, and arrogant. What’s needed is a city and country that is equal parts unimpressed, rich, and powerful to win the bid and distill the Olympics back to what truly makes them beautiful, the sport, in a true “no fucks given Olympics” austerity games. Too bad this mythical utopia doesn’t exist, aside from Munich, who already bailed on the process.
The last 15 games have been held it the following cities / continents:
2018 – Pyongchang / Asia
2014 – Sochi / Euro (ish)
2010 – Vancouver / Americas
2006 – Turin / Euro
2002 – Salt Lake / Americas
1998 – Nagano / Asia
1994 – Lillehammer / Eruo
1992 – Albertville / Euro
1988 – Calgary / Americas
1984 – Sarajevo / Euro
1980 – Lake Placid / Americas
1976 – Innsbruck / Euro
1972 – Sapporo / Asia
1968 – Grenoble / Euro
1964 – Innsbruck / Euro
Looking at the list of host cities it’s pretty clear the IOC wants the games to move around among the northern continents. Excluding the 2 years between Albertville and Lillehammer it’s been 70 years since a continent host the games twice in a row (this essentially kills the dreams of Almity and Beijing for 2022) meaning it’s time to move the games back to Europe or North America. Because Canada just hosted and America decided to focus it’s efforts on hosting either 2024 or 2026 that leaves Europe as the only choice and the obvious choice. I wouldn’t have been unhappy if the final three in the voting process came down to Salzburg (third in 2010 and 2014) Munich (second in 2018), and Oslo. Unfortunately, Salzburg didn’t bid again, Munich withdrew, and Oslo is getting cold feet.
So who should host? Well, my backyard is available. The accommodations will be relatively spartan, but I promise to be fair in distributing event tickets and the front yard is usable for any events that need more space – like cross country skiing. If that’s unacceptable, I’m sure I could convince a slim majority of my town to host. I’m sure we have experience hosting large international events here. At the very least there is a reasonably large and well stocked flag store down the road from me.
Let’s say the IOC rejects my 23rd hour bid. Of course they would be foolhardy, but there is a need to prepare for any possibility, no matter how preposterous that would be. Where should the Olympics go? Kazakhstan. That’s right, Kazakhstan! The Olympic movement needs to be reset, it needs to get back to it’s humble roots of higher, stronger, faster. Aside from the whole despotic ruler thing, can you think of a better place to force the IOC to scale back the Olympics and focus on what actually matters? Distracting the world’s population for 17 days. It seems unlikely that Kazakhstan would be able to match any other Winter Olympics in regards to existing infrastructure, nor does it seem likely that they could match Qatar in spending to make everyone else in the world actually believe they deserved to get the games (foreign indentured workers notwithstanding). Go Almaty! You actually want the games and aren’t China! Besides, there’s a good chance Nursultan Nazarbayev will be dead or deposed by then.
Hope this helps 🙂
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